It’s 3:30am on April 12th. The Ambien, klonopin, valium, mmj, k, and gabapentin have all worn off. My loins are aflame, my brain is on fire, my next dose isn’t for four and a half hours.

When the meds work, A+, I am a human being who is not controlled by the constant burning sensation of forever being on the edge of orgasm. When the meds don’t work, I feel like Bane in Harley Quinn S3:E11 ↗: “My loins will never be sated!”

That’s the thing about PGAD (persistent genital arousal disorder): when it’s flaring, it takes over your life. Getting yourself off 9 times in an hour doesn’t help. You want to orgasm until you’re raw and yet keep going. PGAD ruins lives and drives some patients to suicide. I refuse to die.

I refuse to be another victim of this vicious, highly misunderstood chronic pain disorder. Though it’s treated by sexual medicine practitioners, it’s not sexual dysfunction; it’s just that most pain management docs are squeamish, don’t understand PGAD, and don’t want to try.

3am feelings are often desperate ones but I feel this one desperately around the clock: I passionately feel that sexual medicine saves lives. The trouble is accessing it as it’s not covered by insurance. I’m determined to survive this hell so I can create a patient advocacy fund.

Everyone deserves sexual medicine. Not just the rich. Sexual conditions can be had by anyone but generally speaking, you have to have lots of money to get treatment. I’m talking $500+ per half hour with a qualified sexual medicine provider. Again: they don’t take insurance.

I am going to help poor folks access the care they need. But first I need to get my own body to cooperate.

As of June 6th, I’ve come out of the other side of two bouts of neurosurgery, but I still have several spinal procedures coming up, so I’m not “out of the woods” yet.

If you’ve ever valued or benefited from my words, my knowledge, my resources, my education, my advocacy, my support, my career, or my life, please consider helping me get through this next year so that I can build a patient advocate foundation to help fund treatment for PGAD and other rare and disabling sexual medicine conditions.