Fourteen days from until I leave, and I get a phone call from my doctor about results from a test she administered two months ago. They need to do a biopsy \”as soon as possible.\” I\’d say \”fuck\” but that\’s what got me into this mess in the first place.
Things have been going so well for so long, my health has been getting so much better, and now this. You know what this is? This is fucking karma, baby, for all those years of being an asshole with my hoochie-coo. It comes back, it comes back right at the worst possible times. Hoping that the dickweeds who passed this to me are going through something similar not only throws more bad karma my way, but it is probably pointless as boys usually get diddlysquat from this. Absolutely nothing. Out of all the boys I\’ve \”known,\” only one ever had a problem on his own pieces. One out of too many to count. Only one other knew that one of his other girlfriends had an issue.
I\’m a goddamn CDC statistic because of some really bad choices I made as a teenager. I\’M SORRY. I really, really am, and not just because of what it\’s done to me, but because of what it\’s done to other people — what I did to other people. And that\’s going to wrench my head and heart for every remaining day. It won\’t make it go away. There\’s nothing to make it better. But isn\’t there anything I can do to make up for it? Anything? I\’ve been monogamous for over two years now, I\’m teaching the offspring all about every STI imaginable, I\’ve written countless awareness pieces and spoken in public under my real name. What else is there? Once an asshole, always an asshole, I guess. It can\’t be shaken. That\’s just it. (Though the kid would say that if I would accept JC as my personal savior that I would be forgiven and all would be well. I wish I had that faith and conviction.)
ADDENDUM: 3:50pm
This is funny…
Last year I made $3,400. Last month my medical bills cost me $1,145.
4266 Cheryl Brown at priority partners
