Oh lord, no wonder my body is falling apart on me. My knee has gone kaput three times in as many weeks, and now my other knee and both my calves are starting in. My periformis hasn\’t let up, and now my back is joining in. Oh, and right now, my neck. And I wonder, why, body, why do you fail me? and as I just scrolled backward and forward through my Palm scheduler, I see why. I have had at least one \”thing\” going on every day in the past month and a half (be it a meeting, doctor\’s appointment, travel, exam, dates with friends, planning, dealing with body falling apart, shows), and sometimes two or three things.
And now it is getting cold outside, cold, cold, cold, and I feel it setting into my bones, making them feel with every step that they might shatter. My foresight says this is going to be just like last year, and there is nothing I can do about it. The pattern is set, the body is failing, and even pulling back now will not do a damn thing. Therefore I have twenty four modeling shoots lined up in the next month (I need the money, people), a trip to Philly, a trip to New York, my final exams, the fixing up of the apartment and legal matters to finally establish this as my residence, the research for my lawsuit, the distro, the whining, the complaining, the promoting, the networking, the documenting, some shows, some dj gigs, some parties, Thanksgiving dinner to plan and cook, friends to see, uh uh uh. And when I get back from NY in January, I am taking the whole damn month off, because my body will need it. Okay, I lied. You know I\’d never take a month off. I need to, I should, I want to, but I can\’t, and I won\’t, and I\’ll see my knee shatter before I do, because now, like never before, I have shit rolling like a river after five months of snow.
Hello, this is life. And thank god for that. Other than the pain and fatigue, I wouldn\’t have it any other way.
Oh, and according to Les, I am \”the Erotic Poser\”, so for hence forth until I tire of it, that I shall be. No, I am not really \”Erotic,\” I just pose at it. God, I love that lady. We had good times tonight.
And yes I AM Ms. Sex Talk, and no, you can\’t make me feel bad about that.
Will gets back tomorrow. Our \”anniversary\” or something thereof is coming up next week (the 23rd). One year since first communication. How do people do anniversaries anymore? First date? First kiss? First fuck? First attempt at commitment? What if you never do any of those things? I celebrate the anniversaries I have with my friends and former lovers whom I now have platonic relationships with as the day of first communication. Anybody else have this problem, in deciding when \”it happened?\” Fuck all, who cares? We\’re together, that\’s what matters, and have been mindfucking each other for almost a year. I can\’t wait until he gets home. I redocorated again and he\’s going to hate it.
In case you haven\’t noticed, I\’m sleep deprived and whacked out on Valium at the moment. I took it when I got home, telling myself, GO TO BED, you have to be up early, but instead, I knew I had twenty odd e-mails to answer, and so here I am, three hours or so later, 10mg of Valium running through my brain, and wooooo this is fun dumb. Kind of like being awake on Sonata, but drowsier. Kind of like being awake on Ambien, but without hallucinating. Kind of like being awake on Klonopin, but not numbing. Kind of like being awake on every other sedative and sleeping aid, but different, because NOTHING BEATS THE BENNIES. Nothing. Isn\’t pharmacology wonderful?
