I have a seemingly insatiable sex drive. This is a bit of a double entendre, for while my sex drive is in a near constant state of arousal, it is very rarely sex that I want. Indeed, while I often fantasize about orgasm induced by another person, it’s very rarely a reality, particularly in the ways that I most like to come (and no, my favorite way is not through receiving oral, though that’s about the only way most other people can get me off).
Because I have lost so much feeling in the nerves in my genitals due to my disability, actual sex, while pleasurable, is nothing but frustration topped with the insult of being covered in fluids that don’t stem from my own orgasm. I usually end up feeling like a fuck hole due to not being able to experience the physical result that I desire, and as a result, I end up acting like a cum receptacle. This generally pleases no one.
Sex therapists say there needs to be more communication: I need to tell my lover what to do to pleasure me. But unless you are a pure exhibitionist, which I am not, you get tired of telling your lover to just lay off and watch so that their eyes can learn what their fingers seem unable to. Even that, though, is of little use when my nerves are likely to shut off in one region at any moment and respond elsewhere instead. “A little to the left, up up, no not that far, now down,” only goes so far in a one inch square area before becoming utterly frustrating to the person who can’t feel it.
This is why I have a bucketful of sex toys, a constantly unsatisfied sex partner (minus first few weeks, give or take) no matter who the flavor of the moment is, and belligerent tolerance of couples-participation sex. But it wasn’t always this way, which is why I’m glad I started fairly early and covered a lot of ground before it came to this.
