My experiences with Vlad the Impaler taught me that what I had previously thought was an urban myth — the man who wants to spend his money on frivolous female upkeep (hair, nails, clothing, etc.) — actually does exist. I\’ve just been dating feminists, or misogynist tightwads, or perhaps feminist tightwads. Or all the above.

For six weeks or whatever, I had the high life, and never spent a penny. Expensive dining, expensive drinking, shopping spree at Macy\’s, jewelry, hair and nails… oh yeah, and all the sex parties, too. But that\’s not what I\’m talking about today. No, today it\’s about how my finances are tighter than Carol Queen\’s pussy after years of Kegel-induced squirting demonstrations.

I\’ve got to come up with about $2,000 by mid-January. The $1,700 in tuition has to be paid off, or I\’ve got nothing to do for a semester. Without paying it off, it also means I won\’t be able to go to school and get financial aid elsewhere. I\’m a frustrated strumpet.

Modeling and porn are pretty much out. The polycystic ovarian disease problem seems to be severely flaring up inside recently, as I\’ve been horribly broken out like a meth addict. Dermablend covers it for the camera, but it also aggravates the problem, making the rosacea and excema much worse, not to mention the cysts (on my external skin, not in my ovaries, duh).

I\’m supposed to be working as a site inspector for a real estate agent, but despite being told I\’m hired, I\’ve yet to be given a list of properties. Coat check at DC9 has been a bore; they\’re not packing in the crowds like they used to, so I\’m not getting the foot traffic necessary. In addition, there\’s just not enough nights anymore there that the owner wants a coat check at — only New Year\’s Eve left in 2006, which is almost guaranteed to bomb as the club failed to book a band and is charging far too high of a cover for the same DJ that they have every other Friday night. I\’ll be really damned lucky if I make $75 that night.

So, I\’ve got to do something for money. After discussing it with my doctor and being rather upset about it, I\’ve agreed to stop riding (and hence, sell) my Raleigh Passage 5.0 15\” 24-speed hybrid bike. (The Craig\’s List ad for my bike.) I bought it for $630 in June; it\’s been ridden for only about 30 minutes since. I\’m asking $450 for it. If you know anyone looking for a high quality hybrid bike, please send them my way.

Additionally, I\’m taking Vlad\’s advice, encouragement, understanding, and mindset, and am implementing them on a wider scale. It\’s dreadfully sick and horribly ironic: this time last year I was writing about how I left Dr Maude partially because of my need to stick by my feminist values and support myself. I needed to be independent. I still need that, but the plan is falling apart. How do gimp girls with no money, no friends with money, and no family willing to financially offer assistance, manage to do this? Not a clue. But I\’ve found my solution, at least for now.

Last week, cruising Craig\’s List to find the guys looking for girls to fuck them with strap-ons for $150 per half hour, I came across an ad for a web site I had never heard of. It could be a dating service, maybe. It could be an escort service, maybe. It really depends on how you look at it. SeekingArrangement.com: \”The Meeting Place for Mutually Beneficial Relationships.\”

My ad/profile was approved last night. Since then, I\’ve actually received two legitimate responses. One wants to start sending me money via Western Union already. Now I\’ve just got to get myself a fake ID in order to pick up the money. And a pre-paid cell phone, too.

Good freaking god, this certainly isn\’t the life I intended for myself.