Hey, I haven’t been around much (pause) lately and I wanted to record a video that short of sort of explains why, uh, this isn’t going to show the full reason, uh, because I changed my meds, um, up, uh, about a day or so ago. Um, and things have already improved. Uh, so about a month ago, um, my neurosurgeon put me on Topamax. I’ve been on Topamax before years ago. Um, Topamax is a, uh, anti, uh, epilep– it’s it’s for epilepsy. It’s also for migraines. Um, and so we’re using it as a, um, (pause) differential diagnostic medication, um, to try and see if we could, uh, (pause) say this will work for migraines. And then that would rule out the possibility of what she is afraid that I might have. Uh, so, uh, we, uh, started at a hundred milligrams a day and, uh, quickly, um, (pause) titrated up upward on the dose.
Uh, so years ago when I was on Topamax, the highest I went was a hundred milligrams a day. Um, I’ve been on, um, (pause) 400 milligrams a day for the past two weeks, um. Side effects of Topamax. Um, especially the higher you go are, um, (pause) uh, largely cognitive. I already have a cognitive disorder and it’s made it a great deal, worse. (pause) I’m struggling to find words and, um, uh, (pause) memory issues. (pause and sigh) And, um, I can’t (pause and giggle), I can’t even remember what, what the issues are now. Um, and I’m, I promised myself, I wouldn’t write a script for this. Um, but I, I just, I just read through what the issues are and, and can’t remember for the life of me, what any of them are right now, confusion, um, (pause) uh, anxiety, depression, um, psychomotor (pause) dysfunction, um, (pause) a lot of neuro stuff. (pause) Um, so mine’s gotten a lot, lot worse in the past several weeks.
And, uh, with that has come a lot of, um, (pause) uh, anxiety and embarrassment about, um, (pause) doing anything public facing, (pause) um, answering email, writing, um, talking to people, um, communicating, um. When I read my text message histories over the last month, I can (pause) see my progression, um, no-noticeably, um, getting worse over the weeks (pause) and it, um, it’s not a good feeling and no one has said anything, but I can see it. And I find it embarrassing. Um, so I’m really far behind on, (pause) uh, commitments, responsibilities, replies, things I’m meant to be doing, and especially things that involve being on camera, recording classes and meetings and things of that nature. Um, uh, the idea of (pause) recording myself like this is, (pause) has been scary and, and you’re (pause) not seeing the worst of it. (pause) Um, I started tapering two days ago, day and a half ago, something like that. (pause) I’m already much improved (pause) and (pause) maybe it doesn’t seem like much to you, but I can (pause) feel it.
And it is scary and, um, (pause) anxiety inducing for me. So that’s why I haven’t been around much. And that’s why I’ve been sss-sss-sss-slacking on my obligations, but, um, I’m tapering now and plan to be, um, (pause) my, um, I only have five days left in the taper. Um, whether (pause) my symptoms will all be reduced by the end of that, I don’t know. It’ll probably take a few extra days to (pause) get back to where it was, (pause) um, which wasn’t where most people are at at my age. I already had cognitive dysfunction, but, (pause) um, I’m much more comfortable at that level of cognitive dysfunction than at this level of cognitive dysfunction. Um, it’s just, and I would, don’t get me wrong. I would, um, adapt and accept this level, but, um, not in (pause) a matter of weeks and (laughs) it just takes some getting used to, um, so I’m going to be back and getting things done again. (pause) And, um, I know I owe a lot of people, uh, replies and classes and, um, articles and all kinds of things. And thank you for your patience. And, um, (pause) I have not been me for the past month, um, or not been the me that, you know, for the past month. Um, (pause) it has been hard for me to (pause) finish sentences (pause) in a coherent manner. So, I’m, getting back there (pause) and, um, I hope to (sighs)
Be back involved in everything again, um, by the end of September. Um, thank you for your patience and thank you for watching, listening to this. Um, I’m hoping to get a transcript together, uh, shortly.
