Today was my \”day off.\” It went up to 60 degrees today. It is 4:30, and I just finished six hours of phone calls, paperwork, and filing with doctors, lawyers, the State health programs, my health insurance company, and 411 to get my health shit taken care of. I\’m still wearing the sweater and yoga pants I pulled on when I got out of bed this morning. I still haven\’t showered. Day off my fucking ass.
My grandfather is the most understanding man alive. He held my father (his son-in-law) out to dry about my father bothering me about \”getting a real job.\” \”How is the girl supposed to get a real job when she spends six hours a day, five days a week, dealing with the health care system? There are no employers who will accept that.\” Grandpa cried for me again the other night. I have to stop giving him reason to cry. I\’m the strong one. Have to remember that: I\’m the strong one. The glue that holds everyone together even while my life is hitting my Faberge egg shell encased self with a wrecking ball three times a day.
Mark says it is not that I am a drama queen, but that drama just seems to find me. I could be in a six by eight hole in Iraq without any connections to WMD and it would still find me and make a mockery of all sembelance of order I have tried to mantain in my life. Am I living or coping? There might not be anything better on the other side to wait it out for. Enjoy this while I can, even if it\’s insane. Things have been worse. It could be worse. At least I\’m not Joan Rivers.