2004. That makes this autumn a full ten years. It has to come to an end there.
Don\’t get mad, don\’t get even, get an army of lawyers and settle business. This isn\’t about bitterness; this is about reparations. Between doctors and government, I\’m owed millions in medical expenses, lost education, lost wages, and the damaging of my body for the rest of my life without being treated at a point where it could have been prevented or slowed down. Now they won\’t even treat it/me. It\’s like being on hospice care, except I\’m not dying. I\’ve been passed along from one degree to one system to the next, and physically it has only grown worse.
If I don\’t get my day(s/years) in court, you can guarantee that will be my breaking point and I\’ll finally make CNN Headline News. Just look for the gimp rushing Bush with a baseball bat and getting plowed down with an arsenal of bullets by the Secret Service. That would be me, unable to take it anymore and cracking. If you have to go crazy, you might as well attempt to take our earsome leader out with you.
Today, the plotting. Tomorrow, a sit in at the Health and Human Services department until I start getting somewhere.
Maybe being preoccupied by justice isn\’t such a bad thing. If it doesn\’t work, I can move on and figure out how to get on with how they fucked me over, and write a tell-all exposÃ© or three or four, and live off the money from the books if they sell well. If they don\’t, then I really figure out what life is like when everything you\’ve trusted as kicked you to the curb. But if I don\’t try this and try to get on with my life, which I have been doing, I\’m left dirt fucking poor, without the proper healthcare, without proper housing, and no future, plus the thought in the back of my head of \”what if I pursue it and I win and winning helps things, like getting free acupuncture for life or something.\” I have to try. Not knowing and not pursuing when the possibility of reparations is out there is ludicrous.
It\’s like May outside. My soul is trembling under the Ambien within me, fingers clacking in the cold and keeping the thoughts steady on the keyboard. Steady. Steady. Slow and steady, wins the race. I be damn slow. Just have to stay steady. Don\’t pop my top off now.
Fucking social security administration bastards robbing me of $500 extra a month in disability benefits and my right to better health care through Medicare. Fucking robber barrons. This government is for shit. I never asked to be put on welfare; you put me on it because you didn\’t want to have to deal with another full blown SSDI case, which it turns out I am entitled to, afterall. I HAVE worked enough credits. Fuck you all and your government sanctioned lies. I hate this country with its quasi-social services program… \”for the people\” — lies! All lies. I\’m too doped to be coherent and all I can see right now is blue and orange and cold shivers.
If I invite you to my party, will you come? It could be a weekly and it won\’t be very cool but I promise there will be a lot of old school.
Internet journal suicide on this account soon due to needing to remove pertinent files. If you\’d like to stay in touch, let me know. There are so many people on the friends list at the moment who never post or comment and I think their accounts are dead, so I\’m inclined to drop them off before I hit start again.