I really need somebody to talk to right now, though I am not sure what I would say. I have been staring at my journal for the last half an hour, speechless. Prior to that I was staring at my vodka bottle, and prior to that, into the refridgerator — staring down old vices and thinking of endulging so as to keep from feeling these emotions and thinking these thoughts. I only gave in a little, and not for long.
I took my medication, but it seems to be having little effect. I wonder if the sleeping pill even makes me sleep anymore; I feel resistant to it these days. Maybe it is just the mood I have been in. The mood I am in at the moment is certainly not conducive to sleep; my mind and body too tense.
I think I am in trouble. Or maybe just panicking. It is catching. And I am fucked, and summer is almost over, and fuck me. Here we end these thoughts and switch to a different security levelled entry. Yeah, good idea.
(As a side not, I hate looking at my journal and seeing every paragraph begin with \’I\’. Self centered much?)
Thinking positively, almost everyone got their tomatoes tonight. Enjoy. I still have two more people to give some to. Let me know if anyone else wants some.