Autumn rapid cycling mania and depression, like most years. Insomnia with narcolepsy. Visual hallucinations started again this week. Finally convinced myself to stop debating it and call the doctor. 3am, Wednesday morning, phoned my psychiatrist\’s office to please up Tuesday\’s appointment to as soon as possible, because I was having a really hard time. Didn\’t hear back from her until Thursday, but got my appointment in today, which was a relief. Medication adjustments.
Funny: At 3:30am the same morning, called the local mental health crisis line that is operated by the state health department for Medicaid and people without health insurance. They asked me to call back after 8am, because there wasn\’t anyone there at the time who was qualified to take my call. At the 24-hour crisis hot line, no one qualified. Very amusing.
At night, I\’ve been seeing high definition, multiple color representations of spinning geometric shapes, sort of like Spin Art, but in 3-D. During the day, I\’ve been seeing things out of the corners of my eye that aren\’t there. And the mood swings, lord, those have been fun.
On the school side, my political sociology prof told me that my definitions of social and cultural capital are the best he\’s seen from a student. Not bad for someone who hasn\’t taken sociology 101 yet. Just gotta make sure I finish the goddamn class. Every day I\’m so close to saying fuck it all, it\’s not worth the struggle.
I have enough frequent flyer miles now to fly to Fiji and back. The exchange rate there is in favor of the dollar, so if I could just find a way to save some money, I could take my first vacation in years. To have something concrete to look forward to is divine.
