About every three months or so I hit a wall regarding participating in sex ed and sex advocacy because I recognize how much of a privilege it is to think about sex beyond reproductive justice and STI protection. Right now, I’m against the biggest wall I’ve come up against.
We’re in the middle of a pandemic but this industry is caught up in what they call “pleasure activism.” I can’t help but think that everyone needs to back the fuck up and recognize where “pleasure activism” comes from — an earlier pandemic.
The modern sexual pleasure activism movement stems from direct action activists in the 1980’s, the majority of whom were gay or bisexual men (often of color) who were either themselves diagnosed with AIDS or had loved ones diagnosed with AIDS. They were reacting to the government of the United States’s violent and oppressive response(s) to the AIDS crisis, such as the criminalization of simply having HIV.
Condomless sex of a [person living with HIV] was labeled as “premeditated attempted murder” whether or not the people involved were aware of their HIV status. This was seen as an, “Intent to harm for acts of sexual pleasure” which has deeply rooted discomfort towards the act of sex. It also has discomfort of the possibility of said sex being queer, on top of the implication of harm for the act of having or enjoying sex. [people living with HIV] would be arrested for having sex.
Source: AIDS Activism: the NYC ACT UP Chapter. Original source is the wonderful book ‘The War On Sex‘ edited by David Halperin and Trevor Hoppe.
None of that has anything to do with today’s pleasure activism and I’m tired of it — I’m tired of pleasure trumping the basic survival skills and needs that some (of us) folks lack. Pleasure is an access issue predicated upon race, class, ability, trauma history, and so many other factors. You don’t have to be bourgeoisie to experience pleasure but it sure does make it easier.
Pleasure activism reminds me of the argument for mindfulness: an argument that has been discredited in many cases. It doesn’t help to be mindful of the moment for many people, and can, in fact, make anxiety and other symptoms worse.
If we focus on what we’re experiencing now when what we’re experiencing now is a world without hope, then underneath that temporary flavor burst in your mouth or scent under your nose (two common mindfulness practices), your world is still shit. You return to shit and you know it.
Telling someone to be mindful of little pleasures can be akin to telling someone with chronic illness to try yoga, or offering your friend a bandage when they need a tourniquet, or being tipped 5¢ on a $100 tab of mixed drinks. It’s ignorant, it’s harmful, and it’s insulting.
Sexual pleasure and any other pleasure is a privilege. It’s not a human right because it’s not a basic human need. We don’t have the right to pleasure because we only worry about pleasure once our basic needs are met or mostly met. Yes, when our basic needs are not met we still have sexual urges and still fuck, but it’s not “self-care” or done for the experience itself. When we fuck under those conditions, we’re just animals getting our bodily needs met. We can suppress those needs like we would a sneeze, or we can act on them, but like a sneeze the act is done for the release.
Yet, I’m here witnessing the pleasure banner being frantically waved right now. Run of the mill sex toy reviews are still being posted and there has been an uptick in self-promotion for classes about sex and kink and toys and non-monogamy… which leads me to think the people in this industry are privileged, middle class capitalists who are willfully turning away from what’s really happening in the world right now.
This is a time of global crisis. But folks who can understand and relay information about STIs — many of which are also viruses — are somehow having trouble understanding that a pandemic is a public health crisis. Have we forgotten that sexual health is a part of public health?
It’s our responsibility as those who work or volunteer in sexual health to take public health seriously. Moving forward as though the world isn’t rapidly changing is a mistake.
We should be offering free resources to the public: communication classes; guides for sexuality for compromised immune systems; non-monogamy during a pandemic safety measures; how to cope with skin hunger and isolation (note: since originally writing this on April 8th there have been a few of these provided, but they’re in the minority of what’s being advertised). We should be holding drives to donate our unopened boxes of gloves and unopened boxes of disinfecting wipes for health facilities. But I’ve witnessed very little of this. Most of what I have witnessed has been business as usual with a side panic of “I’ve lost income from my in-person gig, now I have to put it online.”
I don’t want to be in this field anymore. And I know I say that to the people closest to me at least every 3 months, but I feel so disgusted by the entire industry now, more than ever before.
I still believe, as I always have, that disabled people should have access to consensual sex and accessible sexual education. But that belief and that fight is worth nothing if we don’t have our basic needs met. I’ve known this from the start, but I saw a niche in the industry and I bulldozed into it. My heart has been in the access, not the sex itself.
Access is a public health issue, too. For me, it’s the most important issue of them all. I’ve been intoxicated by access to pleasure for too long, using it as a form of denial about the instability of my own access to having my basic needs met. I thought I could live that way, focused on access to pleasure — an unattainable goal as I am constantly struggling to keep a roof over my head, feed myself, and get the medical care that I desperately need. But I’m finally giving in: basic needs over pleasure.
Pleasure is a privilege. Polyamory is a class issue. Kink is a leisure activity for those privileged enough to access it. These are the hills I’m willing to die on, but don’t bother trying to fight me for it. The door already hit my broken ass on the way out.
The world has changed and we need to change with it. Pleasure isn’t the answer to our problems. Adapt, act-up, organize, and agitate.
