Sitting in the lobby at Dr. Nicosia\’s office. Why is that my
appointments are for 1pm but he never comes out until 10 past? And he
answers phone calls during our sessions. I hate that.

Anyway…

Today I decided to grow up. I was in Express in my jeans and sweatshirt with my flat, one length hair, feeling disgusted with myself. I dislike the jeans and t-shirt look – I think it looks sloppy – and yet I wear it. It\’s more comfortable. But no one takes me seriously looking like that.

When I was 14 I took a vow to never look like that again, and for three years I followed it faithfully. Being homeless in the winter isn\’t really congruent to short skirts, though, and so I switched back to what was more comfortable and warm. This resulted in a guy I really liked thinking I was a dyke because of the way I dressed.

But I digress…

Early this morning I got a call from the Women\’s Business Network.
After getting information about the meetings, I realized if I went I
would look like a fool, and maybe not even be admitted. I certainly
don\’t look like a successful business woman. How could I network if I
look like a little punk slob? Which is more important? My indie cred
for the projects I love – Positive Damage, Punkfuckingrock, and
thecounterculture – or my corporate cred to score professional accounts (and thereby make money) for Oi Hosting?

Due to my bills and wanting to not be in debt for the rest of my life, I chose corporate cred. Sellout.

So standing there in Express, feeling like shit in my getup, looking at all the well put together girls and all the well tailored outfits. I bought my dress shirts and jacket, and left. I wanted to cry as I
walked home.

I made up my mind on something I\’ve been thinking of doing for months – I cut my hair. I cut it myself, gave myself bangs. I had been thinking of doing 2\” pixie cut punk rock bangs for months, but instead I gave myself thick cheekbone length bangs, which elongate my face.

I feel hot. Yummy and fun, yet serious. It\’s amazing how taking off six inches of hair has taken me from college student-esque to young
professional. And not just any young professional, but one whom when
she removes her blazer turns into a kick ass drop dead gorgeous chic
hip Miss Thang.

Inamorata, dammit. It\’s time to grow up and turn the tables.