I think today may very well be my first and last day here.

Too sick to my stomach to sleep last night, the closer 7am came, the more I was vomiting, causing me to leave the house late.

There was no parking at the metro garage. I drove around and around, finally parking illegally.

I bought my day pass but it didn\’t work… station master told me it only works after 9:30am. There was no sign stating that. Lost $5. Fare machine wouldn\’t take my crumpled $5 bill so I used my parking money to buy my fare card. Missed the train.

Got on next train. Got to Metro Center, my train was full. Forgot I could take the Blue line train, waited for the orange. Orange line was running late, had to wait 15 minutes for next car.

Got to work 15 minutes late.

Was immediately put to work. \”Here\’s 23 different things you need to know, now type up these forms using macros I never told you about… figure them out for yourself.\” No talk of pay or hours, no insurance or tax forms to fill out, just work.

I\’ve been here five hours now, typing away. I\’m averaging one title case completed in 30 minutes. I don\’t know if that\’s good or not. I suspect someone who knows what they\’re doing would be faster. Also, someone who knows a flat keyboard better would be faster.

In five hours, my wrists have swollen to the point where I had to remove my bracelets. Ditto my fingers and rings. I can\’t bend my left thumb anymore, nor my left index finger.

I\’m fucked.

I don\’t know when the day is over. I\’m guessing in another three hours. I\’ll get to ride the metro in rush hour again, with all those people, which thoroughly unnerves me. Then I get to drive home in rush hour, which annoys me. All I want to do is go collapse in Mark\’s arms.

I can\’t come back here on Thursday. Like the job or not, I can\’t do this typing. I have to get back into therapy for my carpal tunnel syndrome, pronto, or I\’ll be doing myself even more damage.

The job itself I don\’t really mind so much, I guess. There\’s enough hunting through documents that I\’m on my toes and my brain isn\’t wandering into dark and scary self-deprecating places, which is good.

Crap. Just crap. Lunch break soon, I hope. I\’m tempted to just not come back.