The past few weeks I have been burning the candle at both ends, and it is catching up with me. Nine credit hours, ten hours of various therapies, swimming twice a week, yoga two or three times a week now, socializing two or three times a week, trying to keep my sanity and come up with money for Mat\’s wedding which I do not think I am going to be going to now, anyway, and — surprise! It is too much. My feet are more than dragging.
Friday I had the worst FMS day I have had since I was diagnosed, all because I tried to go in and work at my dad\’s office. I needed the money for the wedding, thinking, yeah, fuck, just god damn suck it up, make it one fucking day, all you have to do is restructure this entire filing system for five hours. Take breaks. You can do it.
After twenty minutes I could not make a fist with my left hand and it just went downhill from there. I finished up and went to my physical therapy appointment where my therapist asked what the hell I had been doing to myself. I was such a pussy; I cried through half the session, the knots in my neck and back were so big and it hurt so much to have them worked on.
My dad has more for me to do and I am supposed to go back this week, and if I do not go, there is going to be another huge fight like last week. On the other hand, if I do go, I get to face the wrath of my physical therapist.
Despite feeling like utter hell I went to Soundclash on Friday night, where none of my other friends showed up and I instead curled up in a corner, too sore to move, and had my ears talked off by five different people consecutively. You would think that sitting in the corner behind the DJ booth would keep people from talking to you, but no, I was not spared. And that is the last time I wear my work clothes out; next time I take the time to change. There is something delightfully wrong about having six different men stroke or straighten my tie at various points in the evening, but watching my friend dance around wearing only said tie and his underwear the next morning. That poor tie; despite the many compliments it received, it is one ugly motherfucker.
Right now I am stalling. I feel absolutely wretched and have felt this way all weekend. I have two papers due this week, an outline for a paper due next week which I need to read the books for, two more chapters to read, and I can barely move. I spent yesterday sitting out in the sun reading but my comprehension is toast and jam.
I took three classes to make my folks happy and so I could be on their health insurance, but I am starting to crack. I am not going to make it to the end of the semester like this. My family is going to have a shit fit if I drop a class, but there is no other way. I did not just spend two months in physical therapy busting my ass to go back to square one.
