I.
Today has been what I guess I would consider to be a shitty day. Dragged my ass out of bed in the freezing cold morning to hop into the cold shower – chatter chatter; why do I bother trying to shave when I have goosebumps from the cold in the process of shaving? Pointless. Finished by 7:45, read the news, then crawled back into bed around 8:15 as I was too tired to keep my eyes open. Woke up at 9:15, body aching like it was 1995 again and I was trying to drag my ass out of bed to get to school in the frigid morning air. More pointlessness.
II.
Got to the chiropracter, went over my neck X-rays and nearly vomited at the sight of it. The spine in the neck is supposed to bend slightly backward to support the head. Mine not only doesn\’t do that but angles forward, with the spaces between the lower vertebrae in the neck collapsing. Painful to even look at. Had my ribs, pelvis, neck, shoulders and back cracked, then went home to put in my contacts so I could go to work.
III.
Went to put the right contact in when the SO startled me, causing me to drop it into the dirty sink. Had to put the thing back in the allergen container thing to soak for six hours, which meant I had to wear my glasses for work.
IV.
My hair had grown too long in the front to work with my glasses (it kept getting caught in the springs), which makes it difficult and painful to drive while taking photos, so something had to be done– grabbed the scissors and handfuls of hair on my forehead and hacked. I look like a goddamn hipster now.
V.
Headed off to work, got caught up trying to navigate around the Inauguration crowds. Got frustrated as a result and started acting stupid. Drove down some back alleys in a bad neighborhood where the snow was still covering the ground and icy. Easy to get trapped back there. Hanging out my window there, on a one-way alley, taking pictures, and some guy from the house on the end of the street bursts out his door, yelling obscenities at me. I\’m just trying to do my job, man. Try getting one yourself, or something. I\’m so tired of being afraid and insulted because of the color of my skin. Race and class and tension… confusion.
VI.
Got home and turned in the day\’s assignments half an hour after they were due. Oops. Ate two corn muffins, put some shit in my journal while work uploaded, grabbed an apple and headed to my next doctor\’s appointment: the allergist.
VII.
Had to pay $179 out of pocket for a pulmonary test and my weekly shots. This is something Medicaid is supposed to cover, but they won\’t because my (their) PCP won\’t give me a referral to see my allergist, because he says I don\’t need a specialist as he can take care of all my problems. This is the same doctor who OD\’d me on my allergy shots back in October, causing me to end up in the hospital in anaphylactic shock. There are no other doctors in my area which take my Medicaid plan and are accepting new patients. So out of pocket.
VIII.
While in the waiting room at the allergist I tallied up my health care expenditures for the thirty days prior to leaving for Australia. About $900 out of pocket. Social Security gives me $550. My rent is $500 + utilities of about $150. I earn about $500 a month at my job. $100 or so a month goes to gas for the damn car. You do the math. I can\’t wait to get out of here.
IX.
When I got home I discovered that at some point in the past few days the very naughty rat girls broke out of their cage and then put the top back on without us noticing (they\’re smart like that and have done it often). While they had broken out this past time, they chewed through the power cord for my cell phone — it\’s now in two pieces — and through the proprietary cable for my monitor. I was giving the monitor to my grandfather along with my old computer, so that while I am in Australia he can use a webcam with audio to talk to me. He can\’t hear over the phone, but we can crank some computer speakers up loud enough so that he can hear. Of course, without a monitor, that point is moot.
X.
Told my SO about my financial woes with the doctors today and he told me to \”call the ACLU or some action group to sue the government/Medicaid and the crappy doctors because obviously the system is shit.\” Um. Well why don\’t I just get the ACLU to sue the current administration for being shit, \’cos I don\’t like them, either? BECAUSE IT\’S THAT EASY and the little guy will win in the end. And I can sue pro bono from Australia. When I haven\’t been able to find a lawyer who can represent me after a year of searching. Thanks for your help, love.
XI.
Now I\’m sitting at home in my rags, hurting like fuck and listening to what MW spitefully calls \”girl music\” — one of my few lapses in musical judgement, he says. If he only knew. My back and butt and throat and ribs and bank account hurting, waiting for my boss to fucking call me back to find out how bad the damage is. I\’m too tired to go out with the gals to drown out my misery by getting trashed so I\’m sitting at home and bitching. But I feel better, I guess, for getting at least a cup\’s worth off my chest. I think that\’s why over the past year I\’ve gone from a D to a C — all the venting. I should buy stock in hot air.
XII.
Oh yeah, and the Inauguration. Everywhere. Everybody. Saturated. Infected. I don\’t even want to go into it.
