I\’m not good at finishing things. Really. I get distracted, very, very distracted. Bored. Frustrated. I prefer the shiny new things in life, or even the dull, unsparkly, old ones, as long as they are new to me.
So here\’s something that to me, is very amusing.
I managed to not finish (quit) the following, in chronological order:
– ballet lessons (quit after two classes)
– horseback riding camp (yes, I\’m allergic to horses, but I want to do it anyway! then after doing it one day, oh god, I\’m allergic to horses and I feel like hell, I don\’t want to do this anymore!)
– cheerleading (don\’t ask)
– intramural football (the sexual harrassment from the other two girls on the team became too much)
– required week stay for \”orientation camp\” for middle school, literally at a camp in the woods (lasted one night)
– marching band (quit after a month)
– playing the drums (since age 9)
– playing the bass (since age 12)
– high school (hard to say I even started this, but two years later I was definitely done with it)
– night school (um… I know I went two nights, but uh… I don\’t remember what happened after that! I can\’t even remember what year that was)
– my GED test (I didn\’t even show up the first two times)
– driver\’s ed/my learners permit (the first three times)
– college (five attempts so far since 1997)
– multiple attempts at therapy with 12+ therapists since 1995
– my jobs as a secretary (eight months), doctor\’s office clerk (one day), assistant manager of a bookstore (one month, quit, then another three months and quit), various other retail positions not lasting more than three months
Things I managed to finish:
– honors dance class (4th grade)
– honors band (5th grade)
– middle school
– my first job (it was seasonal and I lasted for the full four weeks it existed, 1997)
– my UNIX certification (nevermind that I can no longer remember how to browse files; in 2001 I got my certification!)
– my digital photography certification (useless now seeing as that was with the then current Photoshop 5)
– driver\’s ed and getting my regular driver\’s license (finally, on 9/1/2001 — great timing)
– physical therapy (hands 2x, knee 1x, full body 4x)
– head therapy
Ahhhhhahahahaa! After eight years in therapy, my therapist (versus myself) has told me that I am doing great and that I no longer need to be in therapy. MY FUCKNIG BASKETCASE HEAD IS A BASKETCASE NO MORE. I have graduated from getting my head examined. No more therapy. No more. Over. Done. Gone with the bloody wind. Thank GAWD.
I\’m not good at finishing things. Really. I get distracted, very, very distracted. Bored. Frustrated. I prefer the shiny new things in life, or even the dull, unsparkly, old ones, as long as they are new to me. Repetition and habit are my solidly bitter enemies.
Therefore, it is with great honor that after eight years I have finally accomplished something. It has only taken a dozen plus false starts, then plugging away non-stop since January 2001, to get where I am at now. The best part about it is, perhaps, that I — the great distracted procrastinator that I am — actually finished three months ahead of the deadline I set for myself last year.
I\’ve been certified healthy and released unto the public of my own cognizance. Was that stupid of them, or what? That\’s right — I am now a completely free woman, and as such, it\’s time to celebrate.
Tonight, starting at happy hour at Cap City Brewery, downtown location. Say, six o\’clock. Moving thereafter to god only knows where, but we are starting in Chinatown-ish with the microbrews and giant pretzels and then slowly deteriorating into an unbelievably drunken state. You can reach me on my cell phone for more details or meeting up later in the evening; it hasn\’t been disconnected yet.
So please come out. This is a graduation party of sorts (honestly, it is, I\’ll explain when you get there), so streaking is encouraged.
Sorry it\’s such late notice. I only found out last night myself.
And no, you don\’t get to find out what it is exactly we are celebrating unless you come out, though for a select few of those of you with whom it is logistically impossible, I\’ll tell you later.
